he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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