I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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