**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
