You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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