and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
