Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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