I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
