My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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