guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
