mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well you can't waste a boner
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
