the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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