My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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