Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
