My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
