So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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