I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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