I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
