is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
