i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
