babies were throwing up all over the place
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
