I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
