6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
