just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Be still, my beating vagina.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
These tits shall not be calmed
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
