don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
