Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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