I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
