Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
