so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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