is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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