Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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