just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
