she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
