living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
