I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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