"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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