i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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