Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Pants are for mortals
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
