so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
