Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
