So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
