Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
