Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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