That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
