My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
