Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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