and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
