If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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