I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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