Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just pee around me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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