i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
