I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
