Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
