FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
