i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
