He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
