I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
