He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
