So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We left an ass print on the piano.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
