Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
