All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
