I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
party gras won. party gras always wins.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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