We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
