No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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