so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
