Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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