Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
