I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
