Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
