She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
