Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
