Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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