Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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