Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
