Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
