did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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