Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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